An Update

Well, bad me, I haven't updated this for ages (not that anyone else reads this but is a good diary for me).

I've also been bad with food. Shit shit shit, I've put on 5llbs since my last blog and I know why, I've done no extra exercise. I seriously have to get back into doing something, I was doing so well. I had every intention of going out for a walk this afternoon but have I done it? nope. I've spent all my time on HHO instead getting off my fat arse and going. In my defence, I do feel pretty shit tho I ache all over (and this isn't from any exercise as I haven't done any!).

Horses are all ok, I bought some pig oil and sulphar for Bottle's feathers today as he gets mites and in the winter mud fever but reading some stuff on HHO it seems there are various ways to use it. Also got to figure out a way to stop the farrier getting all oily when he comes to trim his feet .... bandages I think.

Teddy is still evil ... nothing new there then.

Lilly is still lovely ... nothing new there then either :0) We went to RC this morning to do the beginner 50cms, first time for both of them. Daughter was terrible in the practice ring (she really needs to learn to keep her heels down and shoulders back) and I honestly thought she'd fall off.

I entered her in for the comp twice, second time HC as the next class was 60cms which I thought was probably a bit too much for first time out doing proper SJ. She came over number 1 and missed number 2 as was flat at. Grace was crying .... oh gawd.... in I went, calmed her down, barked instructions and she got round the rest of the way. Next round, went in, shouted instructions over number 1 and 2 then course builder told me to stand quietly in middle and let her figure it out. She went round the rest of the way, a little fast but she got round and was smiling. Well happy. Just think I need to trust the pony a little more, she knows what she's doing and whilst she can be a little sharp she's never really been naughty. She's a star.

Right, I'm going to get changed, grab my iPod and go out for a walk...

I'm also going to get back on track with my diet and weighing my food this week...

Promise I'll update a bit more often now.

I hope!

Wow, what a week

Haven't posted for a while as been sooo busy but a lot has happened *cue exciting music*

Monday was a good day for me food and exercise wise. I got up at 6am and ran / walked to the horses, fed them and then went the long way home running 1 minute and walking 1 minute and I didn't stay within my calorie allowance for the day in spite of the running as I had a binge in the evening. Gutted. I did binge on healthy stuff tho but a calorie is a calorie whether it's good stuff or a snickers bar (I dream) .

Tuesday - I have found a lot of things in my handbag but never what I found Tuesday morning. Funny because when I picked it up and put my purse in it I thought I could smell something then when we got in the car daughter said "I can smell something funny" *cue interesting music*. I dropped daughter off and started removing various objects from my handbag, sunglasses, purse, cheque book, dead mouse, keys, lipstick .... what?!?! dead f***ing mouse? Where did that come from? WTF??? I couldn't care less whether I got done for littering that little bugger was going out the car window! No exercise today and only went over my calories by 45 but that still didn't help me try and claw back Monday's binge of 550 calories ... uh oh.

Wednesday - I was going really well with my calorie allowance. I can manage on 1100 calories by eating my sugar free alpen, fruit and yoghurt in the morning, having either a small wholemeal sandwich or wrap with some raw veg and then a sensible tea, just today I felt really hungry after my lunch and though I'd have a milkshake to fill me up. The ones that say no artificial colours, low fat, you know those. Anyway when I went to put it into WLR database it said it was 350 calories!! I'd already drank it so couldn't not have it then! Really disappointed with that as that left me with only 200 calories for my tea. Couple that with trying to claw back some calories from Monday I was losing before I began. This just reinforced the fact that I need to put things in my diary BEFORE I eat them. I wasn't going to eat nothing for my tea or I may have another binge like Monday. Calories were over by 400 today. Oh dear. Mind you, still beneath my maintenance calories (what I need to eat to stay the same) so may lose some this week.

Thursday - Horse of the Year Show today with daughter and Lilly. We got up early, had my normal breakfast and made a small wholemeal sandwich, took 2 apples, plenty of water and crisps for daughter. We bathed Lilly (who was, as ever a star) and got up to the show in plenty of time. We saw the lady we bought Lilly from 3 years ago (yes 3 years) which was nice.

Daughter came home with 2 firsts and a second, I was so pleased for her. They looked lovely and it was even better as Lilly's previous owners were there. Hopefully they'll be some nice professional photo's to buy. I will go Saturday and have a look.

I didn't eat anything all day! I didn't realise I was that hungry until I got home at 5.30pm so we decided to have a take-away (oh dear). Bugger it, I was starving and tired and couldn't be bothered to cook. I had, from Crabby Jacks, a club sandwich and garlic bread with cheese. I popped it all in my food diary and came up with 500 calories over. Not too bad really. I haven't put any exercise in either but was on my feet and walking a lot of today.

Still within maintenance for the week so have decided this week I won't get upset if I don't lose any weight and will be very happy if I stay the same. I've still got 3 days left before weigh in so I must be good those days and make sure i do some exercise as I haven't done any since Monday. No excuse but I have been uber busy this week!

Oh and non of this "I feel guilty for eating takeaway" or "I felt bloated and awful afterwards", I bloody well enjoyed every mouthful and would do it again tomorrow if I didn't want to lose weight so much!!

The First Lesson and my Second Run

I have finally managed to get someone else to teach Grace, hopefully she will be more reliable than the last. She doesn't usually coach but as we're quite good friends she has agreed. The lesson went really well, I was more worried about getting the trailer in the gate than how Lilly would behave but as always she was impeccable. A bit fizzy when she got to the jumping but that's because she hasn't done any since the last show. Will have to get her over a few more jumps before HOYS I think.

I went on my second run today, 1 minute running and 2 minutes walking. I found this quite easy to begin with until I went out on the common and found myself in front of another jogger. Blimey, i didn't want to show myself up so carried on jogging for 2 minutes until he eventually passed me. Thank goodness for that, any longer and I would've needed oxygen!! The only 1 minute run I found hard was one up a hill but I did it. It's quite suprising how quickly 1 minute goes. I wonder how I'll get on with running 2 minutes next week?

I'm under my calorie allowance today, by quite a lot. On the forum at WLR they always say you must eat your exercise calories but I've eaten all I'm going to eat today and still got 400 left. Mind you, if I'd left my goal on 2lb a week, I would've eaten over so I'm not too bothered about not eating them.

Today I ate

B - Alpen, strawberries and organic yoghurt
L - leftover Quorn spag bol and 3 mini wholebread pittas
D - sea bass, baked tomato and basmati rice

Was all delicious!!

Diet and Exercise for today

OK well on WLR I have changed my weight loss weight from 2lbs a week to 1.5lbs a week as I was struggling with keeping to my calorie limit of 1,100 per day on 2lbs. Now I'm on 1,300 calories per day which is much easier. Today I have eaten:-

Breakfast - 35g Alpen Light, 50g strawberries, 90g organic low fat yoghurt
Lunch - left over homemade organic Chicken Korma with Rice (left over from last night)
Snack - Go Ahead Youghurt Bar (shouldn't eat these, not organic but are yummy)
Tea - Home made spag bol made with Quorn and a WW banoffee pie (again shouldn't be eating these)

Why do I buy these non-clean foods that I love so much? I've now got some in my freezer and cupboard. I don't actually need them but sometimes just feel like a treat. My nutritionist would tell me by eating that I'm feed my face and not my body. Well I'm sorry but tonight I wanted to feed my face. I've fed my body quite well today I think. Perhaps could've eaten more fruit or veg tho.

As for exercise, well tomorrow is my second day on my 8 week plan for jogging 5km in 30 mins so I'm not doing anything today. I'm also slightly aching over my ab region from my laughable antics on my fit ball yesterday so must be doing something right! I think I deserve a night off.

Also, had a mole removed from my back yesterday and it's stinging a bit so that's another excuse! But all are warranted me thinks.

I also feel like I could quite happily binge on chocolate right now. Must go and do something to take my mind off it. I can't wait till breakfast tomorrow .....

One good thing tho, I didn't eat all my tea. I decided to stop when I was full (amazing for me) and popped it into my lunchbox to heat up and eat at work at lunchtime.

Teddy (AKA The Little Shit)

Well Teddy was going to the West Show today. Hannah bathed him, cleaned his tack and got him looking super but Teddy decided he wasn't going. He obviously didn't feel like it.

In the 7 years I've had him he ALWAYS goes in the trailer, but not today.

I advertised him on Facebook, free to good home and I actually got a taker, thing is, she can only come and pick him up in a trailer. Seems the soft sod has to stay with me afterall......

Meet the horses

OK, so enough about me, let me introduce you to my horses.

First off we have "Rock Steady Teddy" AKA Teddy AKA The Evil Basteward AKA You Little Shit. Teddy is a 15.1hh heavy weight Irish Cob with attitude. He would rather eat you than say hello but sometimes can be ever so sweet. He doesn't like strangers. He's very terrotorial and the first time you meet him you have to be on your guard.

Secondly we have "Wernderris Lala" AKA Lilly. Lilly is the sweetest pony you will ever meet. 99% of the time she is as good as gold and really well behaved (until she eats grass that is!). She's 12.2hh and a Welsh Section C and is soooo pretty. I don't ride her (well at 14 odd stone I'd squish her!). She is my daugther's first ridden pony and I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm already making plans for her when the daugther reaches 12 and is out of the 12.2hh classes. She's staying with me that's for sure.

Thirdly we have my old faithful "Bottle" AKA "Bottle", yes, just Bottle. Named because apparently his dad was called Cork (which incidentally was Teddy's original name). Bottle is 18 now, he's been plagued with bad leg problems all his life from doing too much too soon as a baby. When you think we bought him as a 6 year old, he'd already got BSJA money on his card and had been to nearly every event I had been too with an old horse of mine for the previous 2 years, that's a lot for a baby, especially a Shire X TB (with more Shire in him) and on Guernsey's hard ground. He's semi-retired now, just pops out maybe once a week for a splash in the sea.

I will upload photo's later.

I will also dedicate a seperate blog for each horse individually later.... (oh I bet you can't wait!)

Jogging & Fit Ball

Yesterday I started an 8 week training plan to be able to run 5km in 3o minutes. That would be the Race for Life, jogging. Blimey. Me jogging the Race for Life? I ached after walking it in an hour last year!

Off I went yesterday, 1 minute jogging, 2 minutes walking. I did this six times. I found it very easy and I have to do that again on Thursday and on Sunday and then on to week two.

I'm actually looking forward to doing this.

Today's exercise was 3o minutes of weight training on my fit ball. First time I did this and it was hilarious. I was pausing the DVD every time the woman moved. She was sleek on that ball. Me? It was like trying to get on a lilo when it's in the water. I think I spent most of the 30 minutes falling off the bloody thing!

What Woman Hasn't Felt Demeaned by the Smear Test

Ok, I got thinking about these things because a friend of mine just today was explaining to me how embarrassing it was for her to have her smear test and how much more uncomfortable it was for her because she hadn't had any children

Now … EXCUSE ME … I have had a child and I certainly find smear tests uncomfortable and definitely very demeaning (well who wouldn't when the doctor tells you to undress, lie on the bed naked from waist down and to bed your knees together then let them fall apart exposing your bits for all to see?) just because a lady has had children, it doesn't mean that we don't mind getting our bits out for the doctor

For those of you know who don't know what this is all about, I will try and explain …. the doctor inserts this device into our lady bits to open up the cervix to take some scrapings from the inside of the womb for analysis to ensure that all's well "down there". This instrument resembles the head of a "duck billed platypus" and feels a bit like having a Ford Focus planted up one's private area whilst the deed is done. Once the scraping is taken the said duck billed platypus is removed it leaves you feeling like the Ford Focus has just done a million and one handbrake turns on your ovaries (especially if they catch your coil with the metal scraping tool - that feels like a bit like a ten tonne truck has just slammed on it's brakes and crashed into your womb, I know from experience I nearly hit the roof).

And why oh why does the "duck billed platypus" have to be made of cold stainless steel? Mind you I suppose if they made it out of rubber they'd have the sad women queuing up to have it done twice a week

Oh and as for my friend, she survived her smear test (well done) and it's now over for another 3 years unless she gets an abnormal result (which sometimes happens and most of the time there's nothing to worry about) but today she got up from her desk and in a loud voice said "Smear tests? That's the first sniff I've got of something even resembling sex for an extremely long time" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...

The Curse (or Convenience) of Having Large Breasts….

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent men become.

One of my friends (who shall remain nameless for sake of keeping her dignity) is very flat chested …. I'm a little bit jealous, she can wear backless dresses and tops without looking like a cow that needs milking when she walks, udders swaying with each step . She won't wear "wonderbra" type bras as she thinks that it's unfair to men when she pulls – picture the scene, a beautiful young woman picks up a handsome young man, the bloke thinks "nice tits" (or something similar – probably a bit cruder coming from a man lol ) and when she takes him home and takes off her bra, the boobs disappear. I can see her point there …. Can just imagine him saying to her "here, let me help you with those buttons" and she has to reply that she's actually naked .

However, she is lucky in that men actually talk to her face, rather than talking to an area that sits about 8 inches below her mouth . So question is, if you've got it should you flaunt it? I think it some situations it's quite acceptable to do this, for example in seduction techniques lol but could it be acceptable to do this for non-sexual gains? An idea came to me today when I was sat at the board room table, opposite my director when more than once I happened to glance at him and catch him staring at my cleavage. Maybe I should wear a little top when negotiating my next salary review? Would that be morally wrong?

Organic Eating and WLR

So, this would be easy then? Just eat organic food and all will be well, the weight will fall off me and I'll be back to a size 12 in no time.

No.

Doesn't work like that (as I found out).

Four weeks into my new healthy lifestyle and I wasn't losing any weight despite working out to my Wii Fit, my Wii Active, my Mr Motivator BLT DVD. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I emailed my dietician "give it time" she said "your body is going through a change, it can't beleive all these good nutrients are going to be available all the time".

Sod this, I was fed up with giving it time. I wanted to see results now!

I decided at this point that whilst it was OK for her to say "eat as much veg as you can" I wondered whether she actually meant "eat as much veg as you can put on your plate and stuff in your big fat mouth"

I needed portion control.

I googled something about dieting and came across www.weightlossresources.co.uk.

Wow

What a site (I promise I do not work for them). This site works out what your calorie allowance is per day if you want to lose 1/2, 1, 1 1/2 or 2 pounds a week (it won't let you put in more than this) and it won't let you go below less than 1,100 calories a day (god, who on earth would want to do that??) and there's an online food diary which lets you input all you've eaten and works out the calories for you! How cool is that??

Since I have been weighing, measuring and logging I have been losing, on average, 2 pounds per week. Amazing!

I'm eating clean (organic) food most of the time, I'd say 80% of the time and having little treats if I can spare the calories a few times a week and I'm still losing weight. I even had a takeaway one week.

How marvellous!

The Light Bulb Moment

I'd spent about 30 minutes with the dietician when I had the light bulb moment. It suddenly all made sense. I was feeding my face but not my body with what I was eating.

She said to ask myself before I ate anything "would a caveman eat this" and if the answer was "no" then I wasn't to eat it. Obviously a caveman wouldn't be able to eat an organic strawberry flavour yoghurt but you get my drift. No more box meals. No more fizzy drinks. Nothing touches my mouth if I don't recognise any name on the ingredient list.

Well, that's the idea anyway.

Losing my Mum to Cancer

In 2007 my mum was diagnosed with uterine cancer. What a shock.

Suddenly my life was thrown into turmoil, this kind, generous, loving, caring, understanding lady that I called mum had a life threatening disease and I couldn't stop it. She had a hysterectomy, had radiotherapy and then started chemotherapy. Of course she lost her hair and was very poorly but she never moaned, she went through all that and was still kind, generous, loving, caring and understanding. She was still my mum.

She was given the all clear in October 2008 which was wonderful news but then she had a fall in the field with her horse. Her face was bruised, it was horrible. She started forgetting words and saying funny things so we persuaded her to go to the doctor who said it was probably a bit of concussion but to have a scan.

The scan revealed half a dozen secondary brain tumours. All tumours were inoperable, no treatment to cure her but they did a course of radiotherapy to try and shrink the tumours and she was put on strong steriods. The doctor said she only had "months" to live. The shocking news came on Christmas Eve.

I'll never forget Christmas 2008, mum was so drugged up on anti-depressants that she was so cheerful but it was very false to what we were all feeling inside. Between Christmas and when mum eventually died in April was a terrible time for us all.

The emotions were unexplainable. It didn't sink in for ages, in fact it still hasn't sunk in that she's gone. My mum was a very intelligent, independent wonderful lady and cancer made her into a paranoid, aggressive person that I didn't recognise at times.

Her actual death is too traumatic for me to blog about at this time, maybe one day I may feel able to tell you what happened but not today.

January 2009 I decided to give up smoking for mum. She hated me smoking so I thought I'd do this for her, for her to die knowing I'd finally given up the weed and of course the weight piled back on. I tried to diet for a bit during this time but when mum died I just couldn't do it and more weight piled on. When I jumped on the scales and I was 16 stone 3 pounds that was it for me. Out came the WW meals (duh) and I dieted and dieted and ..... no weight loss.

I went to the dr and showed her my food diary. She couldnt understand why I wasn't losing weight. I had blood tests. All came back clear (good in some ways but bad in others - why wasn't I losing weight?) I was running for 20 mins (yes me, running) on the treadmill, 5 times a week and I still wasn't losing weight so I enlisted the help of a dietician.

A Little Bit More About Me

As at today's date I weight 14 stone 10 pounds (yay) which is much better than weighing 16 stone and 2 pounds roughly 10 weeks ago and here is how it began.

I've always been "weighty", I was a chubby child but I bloomed into a slim teenager and only put weight on when I was eating for two (that old chestnut) and failed to lose it and then thought I'm fat now I may as well eat whatever I want. It wasn't until my then partner (and my daughter's dad) left me for another woman that I realised I'd suddenly gone from a slim size 12 into a rather porky size 20.

The weight was easy to come off when I was on my own, being skint and paying the mortgage / childminder without a second income meant I didn't have enough money for food! My mum and step dad were great at this point and did my shopping and I ate at their house. Soon I was back down to a more "average" size 16 and stayed that way for a while.

Then my mum got ill ....

My First Post - Introduction

*stands up nervously*

Hello, my name is Rachel and I'm 35 years old. I am a serial failing dieter, currently a size 16 and unfit.

I own 2 horses and have inherited my mum's veteran horse who I competed when we were both a lot younger and fitter.

So, why the blog? I wanted to document my highs (and lows) of my journey of a successful new lifestyle of healthy "clean" eating and as my daughter has just started competing off the lead rein a history of her highs (and lows).