What Woman Hasn't Felt Demeaned by the Smear Test

Ok, I got thinking about these things because a friend of mine just today was explaining to me how embarrassing it was for her to have her smear test and how much more uncomfortable it was for her because she hadn't had any children

Now … EXCUSE ME … I have had a child and I certainly find smear tests uncomfortable and definitely very demeaning (well who wouldn't when the doctor tells you to undress, lie on the bed naked from waist down and to bed your knees together then let them fall apart exposing your bits for all to see?) just because a lady has had children, it doesn't mean that we don't mind getting our bits out for the doctor

For those of you know who don't know what this is all about, I will try and explain …. the doctor inserts this device into our lady bits to open up the cervix to take some scrapings from the inside of the womb for analysis to ensure that all's well "down there". This instrument resembles the head of a "duck billed platypus" and feels a bit like having a Ford Focus planted up one's private area whilst the deed is done. Once the scraping is taken the said duck billed platypus is removed it leaves you feeling like the Ford Focus has just done a million and one handbrake turns on your ovaries (especially if they catch your coil with the metal scraping tool - that feels like a bit like a ten tonne truck has just slammed on it's brakes and crashed into your womb, I know from experience I nearly hit the roof).

And why oh why does the "duck billed platypus" have to be made of cold stainless steel? Mind you I suppose if they made it out of rubber they'd have the sad women queuing up to have it done twice a week

Oh and as for my friend, she survived her smear test (well done) and it's now over for another 3 years unless she gets an abnormal result (which sometimes happens and most of the time there's nothing to worry about) but today she got up from her desk and in a loud voice said "Smear tests? That's the first sniff I've got of something even resembling sex for an extremely long time" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...